


Never Cockblock a Skywalker's Grandchild!

by SirenBanshee



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Crack, Anakin Skywalker Ships It, Crack, Cunnilingus, DYAD, Epilogue, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, First Time, Fix-It, Fix-It of Sorts, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Smut, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Bond Sexual Situations (Star Wars), Force Dyad (Star Wars), Force Ghost(s), Force Sex (Star Wars), Force Soulmates (Star Wars), Humor, Kylo Ren Redemption, Loss of Virginity, Oral Sex, POV Anakin Skywalker, POV Ben Solo, POV Kylo Ren, Pregnancy, Redeemed Ben Solo, Reylo - Freeform, Reylo Baby, Reylo babies, Sex, Silly, Smut, Soulmates, That's Not How The Force Works, The Force Ships It, Vaginal Sex, Virgin Ben Solo, Virgin Kylo Ren, Virgin Rey (Star Wars)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-22
Updated: 2020-10-22
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:14:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27142294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SirenBanshee/pseuds/SirenBanshee
Summary: Force-ghost Anakin Skywalker is long overdue to get some great-grandchildren. It probably would have happened years ago, if his idiot son, Luke, hadn’t pushed his boneheaded grandson, Ben, to the Dark side. But now this Rey girl has shown up, and Ben is obviously into her. If the Force is on his side, Anakin might just get some great-grandbabies yet!OR, aCrack!reimagining of the Sequel Trilogy that kinda-sorta also qualifies as aRise of Skywalkerfix-it fic.
Relationships: Kylo Ren & Rey, Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 103
Kudos: 176
Collections: Ijustfellintothissendhelp





	1. Anakin’s POV (Because He’s Hot!)

**Author's Note:**

> I have absolutely NO excuse for whatever this abomination is! Something about fixing _The Rise of Skywalker_ , and some shoulder devil that convinced me this mess was a good idea. I need a new shoulder devil. 😈😹
> 
> All the love in the world to my champion Noppoh, who’s probably wondering what the heck possessed me to write this (don’t worry, girl: I don’t know, either), and to my sprint sisters of the Reylo Fic Recs group chat on Facebook, especially tmwillson3, Biekewieke, and OverlyInvestedFangirl!! 😘

At long last, Anakin Skywalkers’s grandson Ben—or _Kylo_ , whatever—had a chance to _get some_! How old was the boy now? Almost thirty? And he was still clinging to that V-card that should have been folded ages ago. Anakin was long overdue to get some great-grandbabies.

And this Rey girl was the perfect woman for the job. A young, poor nobody, with unnaturally cool Force talents, raised as a slave on a desert planet. Sound familiar? Yeah, Anakin thought so, too. The Force definitely had a type, didn’t it? She’d make just the right sweetheart for Ben.

. . . _If the idiot boy would just wise up and get it on, already!_

Thank goodness Ben had gotten away from all that Jedi no-attachments baloney. Not that Ben should have turned to the Dark side and gone all bad-guy ballistic on the galaxy, mind you; but Anakin knew, from personal experience, that _anyone_ could be saved. It was just a matter of waiting for the right person to come along.

For Anakin, it had been his son Luke. For Ben, it would be Rey.

His grandson actually had a _Dyad_ in the Force. _How cool was that!!_ Not even Anakin had been that lucky. Granted, being conceived by the Force was pretty sweet, but having a perfect opposite/complement in the Force—a Force _soulmate_ —was definitely up there in the awesometacular department.

Unless, of course, his grandson screwed everything up! Anakin had done a happy dance when Ben, in the forests of Takodana, had knocked the girl out and freakin’ _bridal carried_ her to his ship. He could have just ordered a couple of dumb stormtroopers to drag the girl away; but he’d carried her, personally, in a wedding hold. _That’s my boy!_ Anakin had shouted, knowing Ben couldn’t see or hear him, but shaking his Force pom-poms anyway.

And those pom-poms had continued to fly when Ben had given Rey the “You know I can take whatever I want” line.

Now _that_ had been smooth! Not quite as smooth as nine-year-old Anakin's “Are you an angel?” line, but still hot enough to make Force-ghost Anakin's heart swell with pride that his grandson had game.

Unfortunately, Ben had kind of taken a nosedive with his whole “You’re so lonely, so afraid to leave; at night, desperate to sleep” twattle. Anakin had been clearing his throat and darting his fingers in front of his own throat in a _shut-up_ signal, silently begging the boy to stop throwing the girl’s loneliness and life struggles in her face. That was definitely not something a poor, abandoned girl liked to hear.

Then things had gone from bad to _worse_ when Ben had killed his father Han Solo. Not that Anakin had ever been a fan of the rugged Spice smuggler ( _yes, Darth Vader might have been a diabolical killer, but at least he hadn’t smuggled drugs, thank you very much!_ ) but chicks definitely did not dig patricide.

Luckily, Anakin’s hopes had taken a slight turn for the better when Rey, in the snow, had summoned Anakin’s old blue lightsaber—the Skywalker legacy saber—into her hand. The look of awe on Ben’s face had been priceless.

See? _See?!_ If the fact that the Skywalker saber flew into the girl’s hand didn’t prove she was a future Skywalker, Anakin didn’t know what did.

_And okay, yeah, her last name would technically be_ Solo _when she married Ben; but whatever. You get the picture._

Anakin had been a bit nervous to watch Ben say, “You need a teacher; I could show you the ways of the Force.” Rey probably wouldn’t go for that; but at least Ben hadn’t said something _stupid_ , like, “Rey, I want you to join me; we can rule together and bring a new order to the galaxy.”

Now _that_ would have been dumb! Anakin had learned the hard way—during a certain conversation with Padmé a long time ago—that girls did not like to be asked to take over the galaxy. Maybe Ben would have better luck.

_Or_ , maybe girls didn’t like to be asked by Darksiders to be their students, either, because Rey suddenly decided to tap into the Force and ended up slashing Ben’s pretty face and kicking him to the ground. Anakin had facepalmed and groaned. It seemed he was doomed never to be a great-grandfather—but at least Rey hadn’t cut off Ben’s hand ( _the Skywalker hand-severing hex had gotten old years ago_ ).

Seriously, what was with these Skywalker men and their refusal to get the girl? At least Leia had been horny enough with Han to give Anakin a grandson. Why wouldn’t Luke and Ben just do the _do_?!

And it wasn’t as if Anakin hadn’t tried to change that. A long time ago, he’d thought Luke had found the perfect girl—Mara Jade, a smokin' young babe who definitely had Luke hot and bothered. Anakin, the loving Force-ghost dad that he was, had given Luke lots of pep talks and much-needed dating advice.

Things had been going well . . . until Luke suddenly read those accursed Jedi texts! Then it was all “no attachments” _this_ , and “attachments will turn you to the Dark side” _that_ ; blah, blah, blah.

_And people said_ Ben _was the emo of the family!_

“Why won’t you marry Mara and get busy?” an exasperated Anakin had asked Luke one day.

Luke had stood there like a boring Jedi bot. “The Jedi texts say that’s bad.”

“Oh, for crying out loud, how do you think _you_ came into this world?” Anakin yelled.

Luke shuddered and spat a very un-Jedi word. “Dad, don’t put those images in my head. Gross!”

“Oh, grow up already, Luke! Your mother wants to see you happy and with children, too.”

Luke seemed confused. “My _mother_? But . . . but she’s _dead_.”

Anakin huffed. “She wasn’t Force-sensitive; that’s why she can’t come visit you. But we’re still together, on the other side. By the way, she says _hi_ and wanted me to give you this.”

He grabbed Luke’s face and gave him a loud, wet _SMACK_ on the cheek.

“Now,” Anakin continued, “straighten up, son, and go make that girl yours.”

But _arghhhhh_ , ‘twas not meant to be. Luke started a Jedi academy to train others in all that Jedi monk boringness, and poor Ben was sent to join. The boy had been throwing tantrums since he was a child, complaining about “voices” in his head.

Anakin had been worried sick about that! Voices in your head couldn’t possibly be a good thing. And on top of that, no matter how hard he’d tried, Anakin had never actually been able to appear or talk to his grandson. Something had always been blocking him, and he was sure the voices in Ben’s head had something to do with that.

So, one day, he told Luke to warn Leia about the voices, too chicken to tell her himself. In fact, he’d _never_ had the guts to appear to Leia. He was utterly certain she’d kick his Force-ghost booty for torturing her and blowing up her planet all those years ago. It didn’t matter that he’d done those things _before_ he knew she was his daughter. Hell hath no fury like the Skywalker temper!

But after plenty of _“Get a grip, Dad!”_ lectures from Luke, Anakin finally grew a pair and talked to Leia. Sure enough, she totally lost it and gave him the chewing out of an afterlife. Then, in a panic, she decided to send Ben to Luke’s academy, hoping to rid Ben of the voices.

Anakin fell all over himself, begging Leia to think about it for a second. There was no way sending her child away to Luke to be Jedi-ed could be a good idea. Even Han thought the plan was stupid; but Leia was all like, “Nah, it’ll be good for him. What could go wrong?”

It wasn’t as if Anakin was actually an expert on good parenting ( _as Padmé so often liked to point out to him_ ). And yes, maybe she had a _slight_ point—what with the fact that he’d tortured his own daughter, blown up his daughter’s planet, cut off his son’s hand, and tried to kill both of his children on several occasions—but wasn’t it the job of the children to learn from the mistakes of their parents? After all, he’d _technically_ sacrificed himself to save his son, right?

_Or_ maybe the Skywalkers were just cursed to be lousy parents. Either way, Ben ended up at the Jedi academy. Anakin kept a close eye on him during Luke’s Jedi training sessions, and he couldn’t deny how proud he was to see just how powerful his grandson was in the Force. The boy took after Grandpappy Anakin, for sure!

In time, Ben and several other adolescent Padawans got hormonal enough to sneak away at night to try rounds of ‘Spin the Lightsaber’, a game during which a Padawan would spin a lightsaber and kiss the person at whom it pointed. Although the game, in Anakin’s opinion, was pretty lame, he was all for it.

_Go on, Ben! Kiss a nice girl and fall in love_. But sadly, the goody-two-shoes Jedi wannabes couldn’t, for the life of them, figure out how _not_ to kiss like clueless fish. So they gave up after a few nights and forgot all about it.

Thus Ben’s years at the academy continued, as bland as usual.

Until _the night_ happened!

Luke, ticked off by Ben’s continued attitude problem, suddenly decided that it would be a good idea to probe Ben’s mind in his sleep. _To probe Ben's mind in his sleep!_ Didn’t Luke have any decency? Ben was young, after all. For all Luke knew, Ben might have been having a wet dream about a hot Twi'lek girl or something.

Anakin had stood over his shoulder, yelling, “Don’t you probe that boy’s mind right now, Luke! Are you crazy?”

“Hush, Dad! I can’t probe his mind when he’s awake; he’d know about it. I’ll just take a quick peep and be gone.”

Then Luke saw Darkness in Ben’s mind and totally flipped! Never mind the fact that Ben was dreaming about the eighth and final season of _Game of Star Systems_ , which had completely ruined the entire holo-series! Nope, it didn’t matter; Luke ignited his lightsaber, about to go all slicey-dicey on Ben.

“If you hurt that boy, I’ll show Leia your hidden stash of sibling holo-porn!” Anakin vowed.

Fortunately, _that_ managed to snap Luke out of his nuttiness. He looked shaken up, no doubt embarrassed that he’d almost given in to Darkness and taken a chunk out of his nephew. He’d actually done something very similar, decades earlier, in the Sith Throne Room, when Vader had threatened to turn Leia to the Dark side. Luke had gone bananas and whacked off his daddy’s hand ( _the old Skywalker hand-severing hex again!_ )

Apparently, that infamous Skywalker temper was still strong with Luke.

“See, kid?” Anakin pointed out. “Ben isn’t the only one with anger issues.”

Then, _of course_ , Ben chose that _exact moment_ to wake up. Anakin could well imagine that seeing his uncle stand over him, with a lit lightsaber, in the middle of the night, like a slasher villain was pretty fracking scary to Ben. So he wasn’t surprised when Ben went ape-crazy on the Jedi academy and ran away to Snoke.

And Anakin spent the next several years going back and forth between keeping an eye on Ben—or _Kylo_ , as he now called himself—and nagging Luke to death about his major screw up and the stupidity of the Jedi order and their practices.

Having pitched for both teams in the past—the Jedi and the Sith—Anakin understood that both sides were run by idiots. The Jedi basically taught that, unless you were an emotionless robot, you’d lose your mind and turn to the Dark side. The Sith, meanwhile, had serious anger and pain fetishes; they had to make sure both they and everyone else were always as miserable as possible.

Why did everything have to be so white and black? One side taught to be emotionally constipated; the other side taught to act like goth kids. Surely some sort of middle ground—some sort of _Gray_ —existed? The poor Force must be exhausted, dealing with all these clowns all the time.

If only Anakin could do something about all this malarkey. But no, all he could do was shake his head uselessly as he watched Ben follow in his footsteps and make all of his mistakes.

Until the scavenger Rey came along and changed everything! But how could Anakin get her and Ben together? He’d never been able to appear to Ben—no doubt because of Snoke—but he couldn’t appear to _Rey_ , either. Snoke must be blocking him from her, too, for some reason; Anakin just wasn’t sure why.

And Luke was determined to be of no help. Heck, when Rey first arrived at Ahch-To and gave Luke Anakin’s lightsaber, he just tossed it over his shoulder and swaggered away, refusing to leave with Rey to help Leia and the Resistance. Things totally sucked.

Then, one day, the _coolest_ thing happened! Anakin was watching Ben get his slashed face patched up by a droid ( _now he’d have a pretty facial scar like his grandpappy_ ) when both of them suddenly felt a disturbance in the Force. Then who should show up but Rey, looking as confused as Anakin and Ben felt. In typical trigger-happy Rey fashion, she grabbed a gun and shot at Ben, but that didn’t bother him or Anakin.

_No. Kriffing. WAY!!_ That was the moment Anakin realized his grandson actually had a _Dyad_ in the Force. Dyads were so rare most people didn’t even know they existed—including Ben and Rey, apparently. The boy should have been jumping for joy to have a Force-soulmate, but he just stuck his hand out like a nincompoop and said, “You will bring Luke Skywalker to me.”

Anakin groaned and slapped Ben on the back of his head for that stupid move. If only Ben could have felt it ( _darn this Snoke-blockage!_ ) But at least the dunce clearly felt as ridiculous as he looked, if the sheepish twisting of his lips when Rey stared him down was any indication.

And at least Anakin was able to forgive Ben for his momentary lapse of brains when he said, “Can you see my surroundings? I can’t see yours . . . just _you_.”

Oh, that was _smoooooth_! Anakin would have to give that little beauty of a pick-up line a try on Padmé later.

Then Luke showed up and unknowingly interrupted them with “What’s that about?” Anakin had a good mind to give Luke an earful for it; but he decided not to say anything, worried that, if Luke knew that Ben and Rey were Force-connected, he’d get hopping mad and throw Rey off the island. And as long as the Force was doing its Dyad-matchmaking thing, Anakin didn’t want anything or _anyone_ to interfere.

And Anakin was so happy when, later, the Force connected Ben and Rey again. That is, until things started pretty crapilly, with a very rude “Murderous snake!” name calling from Rey. Thankfully, Ben was a good boy and didn’t call her any rude names back, making Anakin nod in approval.

Then, when Rey mentioned Luke with “You lost; I found Skywalker,” Anakin grimaced.

“Did he tell you what happened?” Ben asked Rey. “The night I destroyed his temple—did he tell you why?”

Anakin thought back to that night and wondered how the Force would handle that situation. If Ben ever got redeemed, the Force would have to do some serious meandering to fix things between him and Luke—both of them had a long way to go.

But, to Luke’s credit, at least all of the Jedi-are-nuts lessons Anakin had been pounding into his head for years finally seemed to be taking root, if Luke’s lessons to Rey were any indication.

“Now that they’re extinct, the Jedi are romanticized, deified. But if you strip away the myth and look at their deeds, the legacy of the Jedi is failure, hypocrisy, hubris.”

“ _Yes_ , thank you!” Anakin yelled, startling Luke and causing him to jump ever so slightly. “Sorry,” Anakin whispered, as if Rey could hear him.

Luke ignored him. He hadn’t told Rey about Anakin, lest he get stuck playing telephone, constantly having to deliver messages from Anakin to Rey. Anakin was irked about it; but he could understand why Luke would find it annoying, so he let it pass.

Then Luke told Rey some cock-and-bull version of what happened the night Ben destroyed the Jedi academy and became Kylo Ren. Anakin was furious about that and punished Luke _severely_ by singing “Liar, liar, pants on fire!” at him on loop for the next several hours.

Then night fell . . . and _boy_ , was the Force a _genius_ in timing its next Dyad connection!

Anakin was keeping an eye on Rey when the bond suddenly reopened and Ben was standing there in all his oiled, shirtless glory! Rey was clearly rattled and asked Ben to cover himself with a cowl, but Ben just stood there smugly and let Rey soak in all of his yummy Swoloness.

_And he got that eight-pack from his grandfather; just saying._

Ben told Rey his own version of what happened the night Luke went cray-cray. Granted, it wasn’t exactly accurate, but Luke was totally to blame for that. And, much to Anakin’s surprise and glee, Rey actually _listened_ , whether she wanted to admit it or not.

Then she walked away and was dragged by the Force down a Dark-side pothole in the ground. Anakin felt a brief moment of _panic_ ; he didn’t want Rey to be a Jedi, but he didn’t need her to be a kooky Darksider, either. But at least the weird mirror funhouse thing slapped Rey in the face with the truth: that she was all alone in the world.

_Or was she?_ Maybe not.

The cheeky Force just _happened_ to connect Rey and Ben again, right afterwards. Rey was all vulnerable and spilling her guts out to Ben, and Ben listened to and supported her like a hot psychiatrist.

“I’d never felt so alone,” said Rey, who really should wear her hair down more often, Anakin thought; it was too pretty to be constantly up in those ridiculous three muffin buns.

“You’re not alone,” Ben replied, making Anakin rub his hands together and grin.

_Good, Ben; keep it up!_

Rey looked at Ben with a certain _sparkle_ in her eyes. “Neither are you.”

Then Rey did the unthinkable and actually offered a hand to Ben! And Ben—who had been trained never to take off his shiny black gloves when he was in his Darkside getup—actually removed a glove and offered his bare hand to Rey.

Anakin held his breath. They were reaching for each other. Their hands were about to touch. Just a bit closer.

_Just a bit closer!_

Then Anakin felt a disturbance in the Force. Luke was about to show up at the hut . . . and ruin this pivotal moment.

_OVER ANAKIN’S ALREADY-DEAD BODY!!_

Anakin vanished from the hut and appeared next to Luke just in time to throw himself forward and tackle a very-shocked Luke to the wet ground!

"Listen and listen good, boy,” Anakin said, straddling Luke and pinning him down by his wrists. “My future granddaughter-in-law is currently in that hut with your nephew; and if you so much as _think_ about cockblocking them, I'm going to cut off your baby-maker in your sleep and throw it to the porgs. Kapeesh?”

Luke sputtered. “Dad, what the kark are you talking about? Get off of me!”

“Not until you promise not to walk into that hut.”

“I’m just looking for Rey; I think she stole one of my shirts. What’s your problem?!”

“Ben is in there with Rey right now. No, not in person, so don’t freak out about that,” Anakin added when Luke started to do just that. “Ben and Rey are Dyads in the Force; the Force has been connecting them on and off. And now they’re in there and probably about to have hand-sex, so stay out!”

Luke looked fit to be tied. “Dyads? Hand-sex? Have you lost your mind?”

Anakin groaned and rolled his eyes. “Look, do you want this galactic war to end, or not? The Resistance can keep losing people and the galaxy can go to pot . . . _or_ Ben and Rey can bang! Which do you prefer?”

Luke shook his head, looking as if he’d seen a ghost ( _no pun intended_ ). “They’re Dyads? _Dyads_? As in that two-that-are-one Force-soulmate thing?”

Anakin nodded.

Luke seemed as if he was about to puke. “Why would the Force make Ben and Rey soulmates? That hasn’t happened for centuries; and suddenly, _now_ the Force decides to do it? With _him_?”

Anakin shrugged. “If the Force can conceive me, why can’t it give Ben a sweetheart? Think of the possibilities. Both the Jedi and the Sith are out of their minds; it’s time for that to change . . . time for a new, balanced Force system. Ben and Rey can make that happen; don’t you see?”

Luke shivered, repulsed. “So you’re telling me that Ben is in there, with Rey, doing . . . _stuff_?”

Anakin smirked. “I hope so.” Then he grabbed Luke by the ear and pulled him up. “Now, get up and come with me.”

“Ouch!!” Luke shrieked as Anakin held his ear and led him away from the hut like a dog on a leash. “Dad, that hurts. Let me go!”

“Nope! You’re coming with me right now. I’m not letting you walk in there and interrupt them. And as long as _I’m_ your father, you’ll do as I say!”

“Ah, Dad!!”


	2. Ben/Kylo’s POV (Because He’s Hot, Too!)

_Oh, kriff! Oh, kriff! Oh, kriff! OH, KRIFF!!_

Kylo could hardly breathe. Was this really happening? Was Rey actually saying “Neither are you,” and offering a hand to him in a not-trying-to-kill-him sort of way?

What was he supposed to do with it? Was he supposed to shake it? No, that sounded way too friendzone. Was he supposed to give her a high five? No, she wasn’t holding her hand up like that; she was just kind of sticking it out at him.

Maybe he could touch it? He’d never actually touched her skin-to-skin before. He’d wanted to when he’d held her captive on Starkiller Base—she’d looked _mighty fine_ bound to that interrogation chair—but he’d talked himself out of it.

_And regretted it ever since._

She was just so _gorgeous_! Her rich hazel eyes and lush brown hair made him ache in parts that hadn’t ached since he was a randy teenager playing ‘Spin the Lightsaber’ with girls at Luke’s academy. Not that the game had been very fun. On the contrary, it had bored him to death—just lame presses of lips against each other. Kylo had felt like a fish.

So he’d never been interested in having sex either. As yawn-inducing as kissing was, he couldn’t imagine actually going _all the way_ would be that great, especially since he was always too busy getting the crap beaten out of him by Snoke. Jacking himself off was one thing; actually sticking _it_ in someone else was another.

That being said, in the last few days, he may or may not have jacked himself off more times than he ever had in his entire life.

And if his holo-web search history just _happened_ to include lots of holo-porn featuring desert planets and hot scavenger women—well, that was nobody’s business but his! Sure, he had to keep deleting his search history, but that wasn’t a problem. He was very tech-savvy, after all—a talent he’d inherited from his grandfather Darth Vader.

Kylo was his _BIGGEST FAN_!! Not that he’d initially been excited to learn that Darth Vader was his grandfather; but when he’d finally joined Snoke and learned how totally _awesome_ his grandfather was, he’d made a fanboy shrine in his quarters, complete with Vader’s old helmet. It was his destiny to finish what his grandfather had started and be the biggest baddy of them all.

_But why did Rey have to be so bloody cute?_

So cute that Kylo had done a lot less grandfather worshipping over the last few days, to draw pretty calligraphy hearts in his journal. He’d probably have to burn the journal soon; the last thing he needed was for Snoke to find it. He was already in deep doo-doo about letting Rey slash his face and kick his fanny on Starkiller.

The incident had been so embarrassing but _sooooo hot_. Feeling Rey’s fury, watching Rey use the Force like a champ, seeing Rey stand over him in all her vengeful glory . . . well, let’s just say that, even if he’d died, he’d have died with a great view.

And now, only a few days later, here he was, about to make the single _stupidest_ mistake of his life! Even dumber than abducting her on Takodana. To this day, he wasn’t sure what had possessed him to do that. It had been a weak, foolish move; but he hadn’t been able to help himself. He’d simply _needed_ to take her. And Force, had she felt good in his arms! So light and feminine.

Is that how she would feel now, when he touched her hand? Would her skin be soft? Or would it be rough and callused from Jakku?

There was only one way to find out.

He removed his glove and reached forward, a podrace of thoughts running through his head. Did his breath smell good? Had he remembered to shower? Was his perfect hair still perfect?

Then his fingers touched hers and _BOOM_! He felt the Force deep in his bones, all beautiful and mushy and squishy. He could swear there were invisible violins in the air playing a dreamy love song, and winged babies with red bows and heart-shaped arrows flying all over the place.

_Le sigh!_

Was hand-sex a thing? Because if it was, this was definitely it.

Then he was suddenly bombarded with _visions_. One moment, he was looking at Rey and trying to decide how many children they’d have; the next, he was seeing what must have been her past.

_She was probably around five or six, and so adorable he wanted to squeeze her little cheeks. Then two people he assumed were her parents sold her off to some fat tub of lard for drinking money. The nerve of them! Kylo wanted to take his lightsaber and show them where they could stick their drinking money. But the vision shifted to show they were dead in a pauper's grave in the Jakku desert; so it was too late for that, darn it!_

_Then the vision changed again and revealed some ugly old dude dressed in rich black robes, sitting on some_ Game of Star Systems _type throne in a dark room with a lot of flashy lights. Was this_ Exegol _? Kylo had never been there, but he’d seen pictures of it on “Wish you were here” Sith postcards._

_The guy looked like a text-book villain, with a black hood and a really annoying, wickedly evil cackle. He was twiddling his fingers and watching a holo-cam feed of what looked like Rey’s parents on a ship. This must have taken place before they died._

_“The girl will be mine soon. Mwahahahaha!” the guy laughed._

_The_ girl _? Kylo thought. Was he talking about_ Rey _?_

_The old badger kept watching the feed as Rey’s mom said, “She isn’t on Jakku; she’s gone,” just before some alien with black eyes that were too big for his head stabbed the dad, and then the mom._

_The man shook his head, shut off the holo-cam, and threw his arm over his forehead. “What has the Dark side come to,” he said, “when your only son just can’t get his head on straight? The son of Palpatine, and all he can do is fall in_ love _and raise a_ family _. Where did I go wrong?”_

 _Kylo gasped in shock. Palpatine?_ Palpatine _? As in Grandfather Vader’s old boss?_

 _And that meant that Rey . . . Rey was a_ Palpatine _?_

 _The girl he’d been crushing hard on was the granddaughter of his grandfather’s former master? The one Vader had_ killed _? How the frack had Palpatine come back?_

 _And just_ how _had Palps actually managed to get_ laid _and_ reproduce _? The mother must have been blind or something._

Suddenly, Kylo found himself back in the present, with his fingers pressed against Rey’s. Rey looked as stunned as he felt. Had she seen his past, too? He sure as heck hoped not. He didn’t want her to feel threatened by those ‘Spin the Lightsaber’ girls; they’d meant nothing to him!

Before he could open his big mouth to explain that to her, she threw her arms around him and almost squeezed the life out of him.

“Ben! Ben! You’re alive!” she shouted, peppering his face with kisses and throwing her legs around him to straddle him.

Although his initial instinct was to ask her what the kriff she was talking about, his lips seemed to have a mind of their own, trying to chase down hers; but hers kept running away.

“You’re alive! I’m so happy!” Rey said, raining kisses down his neck and causing him to groan. Between her innocent little kisses and her straddling him, a certain part of his anatomy was starting to feel really uncomfortable.

Like, really, _really uncomfortable_!

He clutched her hip with one hand and the back of her neck with the other to keep her still. “Rey, what did you see?” he asked, relieved beyond measure that he somehow managed to talk without sounding like a horny teenybopper.

“I saw your future—just the shape of it, but solid and clear,” she started, cupping his face in both hands and looking into his eyes. “You will not bow before Snoke. You’ll turn; I saw it.”

Kylo was about to tell her that was totally absurd; but before he could, she continued with, “I saw you cut him in half. Then we teamed up and fought some red guys who looked like lobsters, and I grabbed your thigh . . . you’re welcome for that, by the way!

“But then you gave me the _worst_ , most-insulting proposal ever. Seriously you called me _nothing_ , which is not cool! So I broke up with you. Then we kept fighting each other, but you ended up becoming a good guy and _died_ because of some ugly old man.”

The ‘ugly old man’ part immediately caught Kylo’s attention. “Was he dressed in a black robe with a black hood?” he asked.

Rey’s jaw dropped. “Yes! How did you know that?”

Kylo couldn’t believe it. He’d seen her _past_ , but she’d seen his _future_. “I saw something, too. I saw who your parents are. That man in black was your grandfather Sheev Palpatine.”

Rey leaned back and gasped, causing Kylo to wince and hold her tighter. She _seriously_ needed to stay still.

“Palpatine?” Rey shrieked. “As in the Sith Emperor?”

Kylo panted and nodded. “Yep. Palpatine was the head honcho of the Sith. Darth Vader, my grandfather, was his apprentice. Your parents sold you to protect you, and he had them killed.”

Kylo shivered as puzzle pieces started to fall into place in his mind—the pull he felt towards Rey the moment he first saw her on Takodana, the fact that he and she could see and talk to each other through the Force, the connection he felt when he and she touched hands a moment ago . . .

“My mother was the daughter of Vader,” he said. “Your father was the son of the Emperor. We’re a Dyad in the Force, Rey.”

Rey looked confused. “What’s a Dyad?”

“It means we’re connected through the Force. We’re . . .”

He just barely managed to stop himself from saying _soulmates_. Rey probably wasn’t ready to hear that juicy little tidbit yet. As many times as she’d tried to kill him—first by shooting at him on Takodana, then by cutting his face on Starkiller, and then by shooting at him _again_ the first time the Force connected them—the whole ‘soulmate’ thing should probably wait until later.

But that didn’t stop him from feeling as giddy as a kid on the morning of his birthday as he told Rey the rest of what he’d seen in his vision.

Her eyes kept growing wider until she finally shouted, “That good-for-nothing piece of bantha fodder! He killed my parents, wasted my childhood. Now he’s trying to kill my friends and take over the galaxy again. He’s been pulling the strings all along.”

Kylo nodded. “He’s been working behind the scenes, and no one knew it. I thought Snoke was running the show.”

But Snoke was just a puppet for Palpatine. And that meant that everything Kylo had ever known—the voices in his head that creeped him out when he was a kid, Snoke’s recruiting and training of him, _everything_ —had been hogwash. Han Solo had been right that Kylo was being used for his power, but not by _Snoke_.

Well, this changed everything! Thank goodness some idiot hadn’t suddenly shown up and cockblocked Kylo and Rey’s hand-sex, before the Force had a chance to finish showing them their visions! How disastrous would that have been?

Rey leaned forward, her face so close to Kylo’s he could practically taste her breath. “Palpatine isn’t going to get away with this,” she said with determination. “I won’t let you die.”

Kylo felt his heart flutter . . . and the embarrassing tent in his trousers grow. “Do you mean that, Rey?”

She nodded, her lips lightly brushing his. He whimpered and closed his eyes; if she kept this up, hand-sex wouldn’t be the only thing they had tonight.

“You died saving me,” she said. “But why do that, when we can save each other?”

_She likes me! She really likes me!_

“Please, Rey,” he mumbled, not really sure what he was asking for, but sure it would be the bestest thing ever.

He yelped when Rey gripped his right thigh—right near the _bone zone_ —in her surprisingly strong hand.

“I owe you a thigh-grab,” she said with a wink.

Kylo nodded like a bobblehead. “You can grab anything you want.” _Pretty please, pretty please?_

Rey surged forward and quickly smacked her lips to his. He gasped and closed his eyes, leaning forward. But the kiss ended as quickly as it began.

“Why did you stop?” he whined pitifully. “Do that again.”

Rey, again, gave him a peck that stopped in a flash. It was kind of like getting slapped in the face, but more pleasant, and with lips. Apparently, Rey was as clueless as he was when it came to kissing. But both of them were smart; surely they could figure out how smooching worked, right?

“Uh, Rey, let’s kiss, but not so quickly this time,” he said. When Rey nodded, he held her face with a hand and leaned forward, pressing his lips to hers, but holding her still so she couldn't run away.

Okay, that was a good start. Now what?

He tried to remember the way his parents would kiss when they would get frisky and little Ben would yell “Gross!” and leave the room. Then he immediately discarded those memories, because the _last_ thing he wanted to think about right now was his parents making out.

Instead, he thought about some of the kissing he’d seen in holo-porn. Choosing an image, he angled his head and started to work his lips against Rey’s in a more massaging way.

Oh, now _that_ was interesting! _Very interesting_. Maybe they were getting somewhere.

When he heard Rey whimper, he moaned and moved his lips harder against hers. Her lips were _so soft_! Before he realized what was happening, his tongue developed a mind of its own and started to lick the seam of Rey’s lips. He heard Rey whimper, then felt Rey’s tongue venture out and touch his.

“Oh, sorry!” Rey squeaked, pulling back and blushing. “I don’t know why I did that.”

“N-no problem,” Kylo croaked. “Um, actually, I’d kind of like to try that again.”

Rey smiled timidly. “Okay, yeah, so would I.”

She again touched her lips to his, this time opening her mouth and licking his lower lip. He sighed and reached out his tongue to flirt with hers. Both of them moaned as their tongues twined around each other. He found it felt really, really good when he angled his head and explored her mouth with his tongue, while letting her explore his mouth at the same time. Before long, he couldn’t breathe.

 _So_ this _is why people love kissing so much!_ he thought. And if kissing her mouth was this good, just how good would kissing _other_ parts of her be?

He walked his lips down her jaw, to her neck, burying his face in her silky skin. She smelled so nice! He whispered her name and sucked on her throat.

She seemed to like that as she buried her fingers in his hair. “Don’t stop,” she purred, grinding against the massive bulge beneath her derriere.

He was pretty sure his brain was short-circuiting at this point. Lapping at her skin, he instinctively rocked against her while his hand grabbed something both soft and firm. He was too out of his mind to know what he was grabbing, but he couldn’t help but squeeze it. It was so plush and squishy!

Then he opened his eyes and froze. It was a _boob_! He, Kylo Ren, was actually clutching and playing with a real-life _boob_ for the first time in his life! Granted, it was covered by clothing, but he’d honestly never believed he’d ever get this far. What was this? Second Base, or something?

And if that wasn’t rad enough, Rey suddenly started to pull at his clothes. “Help me get this off,” she begged.

He whimpered like a love-sick puppy and reached down to help her with his bindings. They needed to get naked right _now_! But that wouldn’t happen if Rey didn’t get off his lap. No matter how much he was enjoying having her sit on him, he was seriously worried about his ability to keep his little gun from . . . _firing_ , so to speak.

“Uh, Rey, I think you should hop off me so we can get naked as quickly as possible, if that’s all right.”

“Oh, good idea!” Rey agreed, scurrying away.

Kylo grunted and paused, letting his worked-up body adjust to Rey’s sudden absence. Then he got to work on his clothes, determined to break his current record for quickest stripping. The sooner Rey’s skin was against his, the better.

Until he found himself paralyzed when Rey removed her shirt and chest band to bare her pretty, itty-bitty titties. They were right there, in the flesh, so small but so perky.

Where was he right now? What was his name? What year was it? He suddenly couldn’t seem to remember anything about anything.

Rey looked at him like he was loony and motioned impatiently with her hand. “Come on; what are you doing? Clothes off!”

He jolted back to reality. “Oh, right, sorry,” he said, getting back to work and keeping his eyes off her foxy hooters so he wouldn’t get re-distracted.

Once both of them were naked, Rey hopped back onto his lap. His saluting, swollen hotdog was trapped between their stomachs. Rey observed it for a moment, then gave it a _boop_ with the tip with her finger, causing Kylo to jolt.

“It’s bigger in person than they look in videos,” she observed.

Kylo whimpered and felt his forehead coat with sweat. “Uh, thanks?”

“I’ve always thought it was amazing how women’s bodies manage to fit that thing. Maybe they’re bigger on the inside?”

Kylo seriously couldn’t take any more of this. “Rey, lie down on the floor _now_ ,” he growled.

“Sure!” she agreed, quickly stealing a kiss. Then she lounged on her back and pointed at her slit, which, much to Kylo’s delight, was already glistening for him. “I’ve heard it’s supposed to go right there.”

He sat on his knees and gripped both of her legs, pulling her toward him. “We’re not doing that just yet.”

“What?!” Rey protested. “Why not?”

“Because if we do that now, I’m going to lose . . .” He shook his head and wiped his forehead with the back of his hand. “We just need to wait a few minutes. Be patient and let me make you feel good first.”

“What are you talking—Oh!” She cried out when he licked her slit. “Oh, Ben, that’s so nice!”

Kylo grinned and started to suck on her wet lips. She tasted like Naboo honey— _so goooood_. He tongued around her, searching for a certain spot. He knew it was supposed to be around here somewhere. Where the heck was it?

As if reading his mind ( _or maybe she actually was?_ ) Rey said, “That feels good, but move a bit more to the right. Okay, just a tad more. Now, up a touch. Oops, you went too far! Down a bit— _ohhh_ , right there! Do that again.”

_Aha! Bingo!!_

He knew he’d find it eventually. Feeling very proud of himself for his brilliant discovery, he attacked Rey’s cute little pebble with enthusiasm. Rey writhed and mumbled meaningless gibberish as she groped her own breasts with her hands, making Kylo mewl desperately as he watched the show. Rey better cum soon; Kylo couldn’t take much more of this torture.

He wanted to cry in relief when Rey suddenly shouted his name and buried her fingers in his hair, riding his mouth like a fathier jockey. Kylo had never been more pleased with himself. Let it be known to one and all that Kylo Ren had officially _made a girl cum_!

Praying that the Force bond would stay open long enough for the main event, Kylo crawled up Rey’s body and gave her a sloppy kiss on the mouth. “Are you ready, sweetheart?” he asked.

She nodded. “Let’s do this.”

He lined his pulsing schlong up with Rey’s entrance, then looked down to make certain he knew where he was going. This _was_ the right hole, right? Uhhh . . . _yep_ , this was definitely it! Okay, good. Now he just needed to aim and push, right?

Or was there more to it than that? There was definitely a hole there, and it was definitely wet; but Force, was it _tight_! Thank goodness he’d been smart and made Rey cum beforehand. She was squeezing him like a vexis; yet she was so stretchy and cushiony. He huffed and puffed, trying to remind his body that he was almost thirty, not thirteen.

“So much,” Rey sighed, grabbing his pale hiney with both hands. “I had no idea . . .”

Well, if that wasn’t an ego boost, he didn’t know what was. _Why, thank you!_

He had to work his way in a little bit at a time; but finally, his key seemed to fit snugly inside her lock. He grunted and started to move gently within her. She was wetter than Dagobah . . . er, Kamino ( _Dagobah’s gross_ ). The squishy sounds they were making were music to Kylo’s ears. Or was it to _Ben’s_ ears? Rey seemed to prefer Ben; and, right now, Kylo found he really didn’t mind.

_Ah, screw it—Ben!_

Ben kissed her sweet mouth, pumping in and out of her. He could feel her little boobies brush against his chest. Her puckered nipples were _right there_ , and he wanted to give them a taste! Leaning down, he latched on to one of her pointy berries of goodness and sucked it into his mouth. He hummed, suckling her . . . until he realized that had been a major, _major_ goof on his part!

Suddenly, his overly enthused pickle just couldn’t help itself. Letting out a roar of surrender, Ben felt his sticky spunk fill Rey’s welcome center. Well, kark it! He hadn’t meant to do that just yet; he’d meant to make Rey cum again first.

Kriff! Darn it! Bantha fodder! _@ &*/(#<(^%$!_

Or . . . maybe not?

“That was so good,” Rey purred, smiling and kissing his cheek.

Really? She wasn’t angry?

“Uh, Rey, you’re not mad that I—”

“Oh, no!” Rey insisted. “No, it was _super duper_!”

Ben grinned. Yeah, it was definitely super duper, wasn’t it. In fact, it was _AMAZEBALLS_!!

And now, he was officially a _not-a-virgin_! He’d thought, up until now, that his Dark-side powers felt better than anything—at least, they’d seemed more fun than Jedi powers. But clearly the Dark side was just as unfulfilling and _blah_ as the Jedi side. Nope, _nothing_ could compare to being with his Rey. And now, just the thought of going back to his bland Dark ways was making him cringe. Maybe he needed to rethink things.

“What are we going to do about Palpatine?” Rey asked as Ben rolled over next to her. “He killed my parents.”

“We need to get rid of him; the sleazeball needs to be stopped, or the galaxy will be blown to smithereens. So we have to find a _wayfinder_ to lead us to Exegol.”

Rey looked nervous. “But what if you die, like in my vision? Maybe I should go alone.”

“Over my dead body!” Ben exclaimed, immediately wanting to slap himself in the face for that gosh-awful choice of words. “I mean, you’ve seen a _possible_ future, Rey. Now that we know what to _avoid_ , we can be smart about this.”

Rey seemed to think about that for a second; then she nodded. “What about Snoke? Should we nip him in the bud before Palps?”

Ben shook his head. “Nah, let’s take out the top dog first, since he’s the one running the show; then we’ll move on to Snoke.”

Rey sighed, looking suddenly bummed. “It sure sucks that I actually have _one_ living relative, but he’s a retarded psycho.”

Ben hummed in sympathy . . . then _froze_ when he felt a small disturbance in the Force. It seemed to be coming from Rey. Was something wrong with her? Was she upset?

 _Wait a minute!_ Was it _one_ disturbance he was feeling, or _two_?

And _why_ were they coming from Rey’s . . .

He grinned and placed a hand on Rey’s stomach. “Oh, I don’t know about that.”

Rey raised an eyebrow. “Huh?”

“I don’t think Palpatine is your only _living_ relative. Not _anymore_.”

Rey stared at him like he was out of his mind, then gasped and clutched her stomach with both hands. “Oh, Force! Are you saying—”

“They’re going to be the most adorable babies in the galaxy!” Ben said, kissing Rey. “I want both of them to look just like you—they’d probably kill me if they ended up with my ears.”

Tears started to fill Rey’s eyes. “I can’t believe . . . I’m so happy right now I could throw up!”

Ben knew exactly how she felt. He was going to be a _DAD_!! This was the best day of his life! Losing his virginity _and_ becoming a dad all in one day? Apparently, Christmas had come early this year.

Move aside, Sith and Jedi! It was time for Rey and Ben Solo to end this war and straighten out this topsy-turvy galaxy—for themselves and their _family_. There was so much to be done. They’d defeat Palpatine, and then Ben would put a ring on it! Rey would be Rey Solo before she could blink.

 _Rey Solo_ . . . that sounded really good. So good that Ben decided he and Rey needed an uber-cool couple name. What should they choose? The Dynamic Duo? No, that was probably already taken. The Force Dyad? No, most people didn’t even know Dyads existed, much less what they were.

 _Hmm_ , Mr. and Mrs. Ben and Rey Solo . . .

_Reylo?_

Yeah, Ben liked the sound of that! It had a catchy ring to it. And it actually worked with _Rey and Kylo_ , too—which was good, because Ben had been Kylo for so long that he knew there would always be a bit of Kylo in him.

Yep, Reylo should do the trick!

And now, _it was officially canon_!!


	3. Anakin’s POV Again (Because Guess What He’s Getting!)

Anakin and Luke jumped when Rey suddenly pounded on Luke’s door and screamed through the pouring rain, “Luke, open up! I’ve got a bone to pick with you!”

Anakin had been making Luke write _I will not cockblock Ben and Rey_ over and over on a holo-board to keep him occupied while Ben and Rey were alone in Rey’s hut. The bond must have just shut down; Anakin couldn’t wait to find out how well things had gone!

Luke opened the door and stared into Rey’s furious eyes. “What’s got your panties in a twist?”

“Is it true?” Rey spat. “Did you try to kill my man?”

Anakin snickered. “You knew that epic fail would keep coming back to bite you in the tush, son,” he said.

Luke looked back with a “Let it go, Dad!”

Rey looked over his shoulder as Luke groaned and facepalmed. “ _Dad_? Who are you talking to?” she asked.

Anakin chuckled. “Well, you’ve done it now, Luke! You might as well fess up.”

“My dad Anakin Skywalker,” Luke grumbled. “He’s a Force-ghost, but you can’t see him.”

“Tell her I said _hi_ ,” Anakin said with a friendly wave.

“He says _hi_ ,” Luke echoed; then he mumbled, “This is why I didn’t want to do this,” under his breath.

Rey moved past Luke, into the hut. “ _The_ Anakin Skywalker is here? Why can’t I see him?”

“We don’t know,” Luke responded, shutting the door to the rain. “Ben’s never been able to see him, either. We think Snoke’s been blocking him from you two.”

Rey turned sharply. “It wasn’t Snoke; it was Palpatine!”

“ _Palpatine_?” Anakin and Luke shouted together.

“Yes, he’s been alive all this time. I was having hand-sex with Ben in my hut—we have a Force connection—and then both of us saw visions. Palpatine is my grandfather, and he’s been running the First Order behind the scenes.”

“Palpatine is alive?” Anakin exclaimed. That explained so much. No wonder he’d never been able to contact Ben! The last thing old Palpy would have wanted was for Anakin to be able to protect Ben from the Dark side.

But wait . . . did Rey just say he was her _grandfather_? Anakin’s future granddaughter-in-law was a _Palpatine_? He sure as shooting hadn’t seen that twist coming! That must be why Anakin hadn’t been able to appear to Rey, either: Palpatine would have been shielding _both_ of them, the prick.

Holy cow! The Force actually made Anakin’s _grandson_ and Palps’s _granddaughter_ soulmates? The Force must have a major hard-on for both families; it was fracking determined that they’d always be going at each other in some way, shape, or form.

_It’s a small galaxy after all._

“We have to contact the Resistance,” Rey continued. “Ben’s sneaking away in a First Order shuttle to come pick me up, and we’re going to find a wayfinder to take us to Exegol. Then we’ll beat the crap out of Palpatine and finish this war.” Apparently satisfied with herself for having given the plan, she crossed her arms and glared at Luke. “And now, back to what I asked. Did you go cray-cray on my bae?”

Luke at least had the decency to turn a pretty princess pink. “Uh, technically, no. I kind of panicked for a second when I saw the Darkness in him, but I stopped myself before I lost it.”

Anakin cleared his throat loudly.

Luke rolled his eyes. “Okay, fine! My _dad_ may have helped stop me; but I’m glad he did, because that would have been really uncool of me to do.” He raised a finger. “But you definitely can’t deny that Ben is still a douche of epic proportions.”

Rey poked him in the chest. “Don’t you cop an attitude with me! It’s time to get off your Jedi high horse and grow a pair. You better give Ben the apology of a _lifetime_ when he gets here. Then you’re going to leave on the _Falcon_ with Chewie to tell the Resistance what’s happening, and I’m going to find a wayfinder with Ben.”

“Actually, I can help with that,” Anakin volunteered, raising a hand and grinning.

Luke threw him a confused look. “What are you talking about?”

“Tell her I know where to find one.”

Luke shrugged and looked at Rey. “Dad says he can point you to a wayfinder.”

“Really!” Rey turned and looked where she must have assumed Anakin was standing. She was close but off by a few inches, so Anakin was nice and moved over a bit. “Where?”

“There’s one in the old Death Star on Kef Bir. Palpatine kept it in the Throne Room.”

“He says it’s on Kef Bir,” said Luke, “in the Throne Room of the old Death Star.”

Rey _eeeped_ and clapped. “Thank you, Anakin—er, Master Skywalker! We’ll get this over with as quickly as possible.” Turning back to Luke, “Gather the Resistance’s allies so they can be ready to fight. The Order’s _going down_! My children will _not_ be raised in this war!”

“Children?!” Anakin and Luke exclaimed.

Rey blushed. “Well, Ben and I just now—we, uhn . . .”

As she trailed off, Anakin started to shake with excitement. _Could it be?_ Had all of his Christmas letters to Santa finally been answered? He reached out with the Force and detected two tiny Force-signatures, brand new and just starting to glow ever so slightly. 

_Yessiree!_ There were now two Force buns just starting to bake in Rey’s oven.

“I’M GETTING GREAT-GRANDBABIES!!” he shouted, throwing his arms around Rey. Or, rather, _trying_ to throw his arms around her—but all he ended up doing was going right through her ( _dratted blockage again!_ ). So he threw his arms around Luke instead.

“Whoa, Dad!” Luke exclaimed, barely stopping himself from being tackled to the floor.

Anakin grabbed his face and gave him two proud smackers on his cheeks. “Can you believe it, Luke? You’re going to have a great-niece and -nephew!”

Luke didn’t seem to be _nearly_ as excited about it as Anakin was, but who cared? All that mattered was that, at long last, the Skywalker line would continue; he’d have to tell Padmé all about it. And as soon as Palpatine was history, and Ben and Rey could finally see Anakin, he was going to throw them the most epic baby shower _ever_!

“What’s happening?” Rey asked.

“My dad’s just trying to suffocate me,” said Luke. “He’s really excited about the kids.”

“Technically, I’m the reason they exist,” Anakin proudly pointed out. “I want at least one of them to be named after me.”

Luke groaned.

“What?” Rey said.

“He’s taking credit for their . . . creation. I was about to walk in on you and Ben earlier, but he wouldn’t let me; kept saying he wanted you two to be . . . left alone.”

Rey grinned, her cheeks red. “Well, it’s a good thing he did. If you’d walked in on us before the Force could finish showing us all that stuff, everything would have been fouled up!”

“Now he wants one of the kids to be named after him.”

She winked. “We can probably work something out. But right now, get ready. My snookums is on his way, and he needs a change of clothes; I’m tired of all the goth black.”

“And while you’re at it,” Anakin threw in, “give him Leia’s old lightsaber. She always knew he’d need it one day; I bet this is it.”

~~~~~

While Luke and Rey waited for Ben, Anakin left to tell Padmé the good news. They hugged each other and jumped for joy, then gave each other some good celebratory _lovin’_.

Of course, Anakin made it back in time to watch Luke get his balls handed to him by a very, _very_ irked Ben; Anakin wouldn’t miss that for the world! As soon as Ben showed up and gave Luke the stink eye, Luke dropped to his knees and apologized all over himself. But that didn’t stop Ben from using the Force to give him the _mother_ of all wedgies; thank goodness Luke had never wanted kids.

Luke better have been grateful that Rey was there to remind Ben they had to get going, and that Chewie—or _Uncle Chewie_ , as Ben knew him—was there to drag Ben into a really awkward-but-snuggly hug. The two had a quick ‘Sorry I killed your best friend’ moment; then Ben dumped a bunch of stuff into Chewie’s furry arms.

“Take all of this to the Resistance,” Ben said. “They’re plans, codes, and other hush-hush First Order goodies for them to use. Also, the Resistance is being tracked through Lightspeed, so I disabled the tracker so they don‘t have to waste time doing something like waiting for people to find a codebreaker to take care of it.”

“ _How did you get all of that done so quickly?_ ” Chewie asked in Wookiee-ish.

Ben shared a grin with Rey. “Let’s just say I had motivation.

Anakin smiled, so proud he could re-die! Yep, getting laid, getting a new girlfriend, and getting two new kids cooking were just what Ben had needed to wise up and de-Darkify. Anakin wished he could give the Force a high five right now.

While Ben and Rey headed for Kef Bir, Anakin stayed with Luke and Chewie as Chewie tossed Luke into the _Falcon_ and left Ahch-To.

Anakin stood behind Luke and gave him a supportive shoulder rub. “Okay, son, it’s your time to shine! No more hiding like a pathetic schmuck; it’s time for Luke Shmi Naberrie Skywalker to rise again.”

Luke sighed. “Are you sure I have to?”

“Unless you want Ben to give you some more super-wedgies.”

He shuddered and nodded in resignation. “All right, Dad, all right.” Then he took a deep breath and activated the comm to send a message to the allies of the Resistance. “Hear ye, hear ye! This is Luke Skywalker—yes, _the_ Luke Skywalker—calling the good guys. It’s time to lock and load!”

~~~~~

Anakin rejoined Ben and Rey as they got to Kef Bir. When they left their shuttle, they were ambushed by, oddly enough, a group of rogue ex-stormtroopers. For obvious reasons, Ben and Rey kept their mouths shut about the whole Ben-is-actually-Kylo-Ren thing. Thank goodness Rey had insisted on Ben’s current white shirt, brown jacket, and dark-brown pants, instead of his black bad-guy clothes.

The ex-troopers were friendly enough and pointed Ben and Rey in the right direction. And to Anakin’s surprise, one of them actually looked kind of familiar. In fact, she looked an awful lot like _Lando_ , of all people. Hadn’t Lando once had a child disappear or something? Anakin would have to think about it later, when there was time.

Right now, Rey and Ben had work to do. Sure enough, the little green triangle thingy was exactly where Palps had left it; the old goat had always been addicted to hoarding Sith things.

As soon as Rey grabbed it, she was greeted by some Dark-Rey doppelganger vision of herself. The vision was like, “Don’t be afraid of who you are,” but Rey apparently wasn’t in the mood to deal with that crap; so the two had a really brief, pretty pointless chick fight.

Ben just stood there dumbly, his mouth open and a raging hard-on in his crotch. Anakin knew exactly how he felt; he’d sure fantasized about two Padmés plenty of times.

Unfortunately for Ben, the show was over as quickly as it started and Rey dragged him away so they could head to Exegol. The triangle thingy did its job and led them to a much bigger triangle thingy on a planet with a lightning fetish.

Ben carried his mother’s lightsaber, while Rey carried the Skywalker saber. Anakin followed them off the shuttle, taking a look around Exegol. It was really dark, save for flashy strobe lights coming out the wazoo. There were also Snoke-part fish tanks, along with some workers and the Knights of Ren: Ben’s old Jedi-wannabe friends who’d left the academy with him.

Anakin left Ben and Rey alone as they teamed up to fight the Knights. The troop were known to be pretty much useless. They’d joined Ben, thinking the Dark side would be hip and cool; but Snoke had never really done anything with them—none of them had Ben’s talent. So Anakin moved on while Ben and Rey slaughtered them. He had a certain ex-boss to find.

Sure enough, Palpatine was right where Anakin expected him to be—near his fancy-shmancy throne. He was hanging like a Christmas-tree ornament from a gaudy, moving harness with a bunch of wires. Clearly, his flair for the dramatic hadn’t faded. He even had an ensemble of thousands of black-robed Sith groupies, who were there to chant the Sith equivalent of “We’re number one; you’re number two!” 

And he _definitely_ had not aged well. He was more wrinkly than ever and had lifeless space-zombie eyes. Unlike Anakin, who, as a Force-ghost, had initially appeared to Luke as a _not_ -dismembered version of his older self, only to discover that he could actually appear as his younger, much-hotter self; and he’d been using that form ever since.

“Why, the Jedi formerly known as Darth Vader, as I live and breathe,” Palpy said. Sure enough, his voice still sounded like fingernails scraping across a chalkboard. “How’s the afterlife?”

Anakin shrugged. “Not so bad. Better than pathetically hiding under a rock, waiting to re-takeover the galaxy I lost.”

Palpatine frowned. “I didn’t lose anything; the galaxy was just under new management for a while.” He raised his hands like a referee signalling a _touchdown_. “But now, my grandchild will kill me and take the throne; it’s her birthright.”

Anakin scratched his head; was he actually hearing what he thought he was hearing? “Are you for real, man?” he asked. “You’re pulling that cuckoo stunt _again_? Just how desperate are you to die? You begged my son to kill you decades ago; now you want your granddaughter to do it. You might as well have just stayed dead when I killed you myself. How did you even come back to life?”

Palpatine sputtered. “You know the Dark side is super rad! It has lots of nifty tricks to bring people back from the dead. Don’t question it!”

Anakin shook his head. “Then why are you trying to _re-die_? Can’t you just be happy to be back, find a nice lady, settle down, and get a life?”

Palpatine waved him off. “I don’t expect you to understand. You don’t have a grandchild who’s destined to rule the galaxy.”

“Neither do you.”

“Hey!” Palpatine snapped. “That one-night stand with Ysanne resulted in a son. And although he was a ninny, he gave me a granddaughter. Once I’m dead, she’ll be Darkened and do groovy things with all the cool new Final Order ships I’ve built for her.”

At that moment, Ben and Rey came running into the room.

“And speak of the she-devil,” Palpatine purred. He reached out in Rey’s direction and smiled evilly. “Hey, girl! Long have I waited for my grandchild to come home. Yes, that’s right: I’m your grand-Palpy, and it’s time for you to rise, _Empress_ Palpatine. You will kill me, and my spirit will bounce into you.”

Rey glared at him, Ben at her side. “I haven’t come to lead the Sith; I’ve come to end them, with Ben.”

Palps grinned at Ben. “Ah, yes—young Solo. It’s about stinkin’ time you got here! Snoke trained you well, but I always knew you’d come around. I’ve been every voice you have ever heard inside your head.”

Anakin frowned when Palpatine mimicked different voices, including what must have been Anakin’s old Darth Vader voice. Good grief, was that actually how he’d sounded for all those years? That constant mechanical huffing and puffing must have been so _annoying_.

“I know,” Ben spat. “You’ve suckered me for a long time, but I won’t let you screw with my girlfriend.“

Palpatine raised an eyebrow. “Your _girlfriend_?” He looked between Ben and Rey. “Ah, I see! Well, I suppose it’s only natural for my apprentice’s apprentice and my heir to get it on. In fact . . .” He trailed off, closing his eyes and reaching out with the Force. “Yes, I feel it. The life force of your bond . . . a _Dyad_ in the Force. A power like life itself, unseen for generations.”

He paused and grinned, his boney spider fingers twitching excitedly. “Well, this makes a difference. Okay, new plan! Forget what I said a moment ago. Now, the power of two will restore the one true _Emperor_.”

He threw out his arms and tried to attack Ben and Rey with a wave of Force-ness. Anakin shouted his favorite “NOOOOO!” bit and stepped forward automatically as Ben and Rey dropped to their knees.

“ _Mwahahahaha!_ ” Palps laughed wickedly . . . then he froze as Ben and Rey stood back up and smirked. “What the kriff, man?!” he exclaimed. “Why didn’t that work?”

Ben and Rey smiled at each other and joined hands.

“The power of _two_ has nothing on the power of _four_ ,” said Ben.

Anakin’s face lit up like a lightsaber as he realized what Ben meant. “Oh, Force, _yes_! That’s what I’m talking about! I _knew_ I needed great-grandbabies.”

“Great-grandbabies?!” Palpatine bellowed at him. “What are you talking about?”

“Who are you talking to?” Ben asked.

“Probably Master Skywalker,” said Rey. “Remember, Luke and I told you about him before we left Ahch-To.”

Palpatine rolled his space-zombie eyes. “Yes, your grandfather: my old apprentice. Seriously, you train a guy for years and give him more power than he could ever imagine, and what thanks do you get? He kills you with your own Force-lightning.”

Rey raised an eyebrow. “Isn’t that basically what you were telling me to do just a few minutes ago?”

“Oh, don’t give me that lip, young lady!” Palpatine scoffed. “That’s beside the point.”

“I killed you because you were trying to kill my son,” Anakin pointed out.

“Will you put a sock in it already, Anakin?!”

Rey rolled her eyes. “You know, if you’re going to keep talking to him, you might as well unblock him from us.”

Palpatine thought for a moment, then shrugged his shoulders and gestured to Anakin. “Fine, whatever. I guess it doesn’t matter; you’ll be able to see him when I die in a few minutes anyway.”

Anakin beamed when Ben and Rey suddenly looked directly at him. He gave both of them a wave. “Hi, you two!”

“Grandfather!” Ben shrieked, running to Anakin and shaking his hand like a maniac. “I’m your _biggest fan_! Seriously, I’m president of the Darth Vader Fan Club, I have your old helmet in my quarters, I pray to you all the time, and I—”

“I know; I know,” Anakin interrupted. “I’ve wanted to slap you so many times over the years for all that baloney, but I still love you.” He smiled and threw his arms around Ben, giving him a _long_ -overdue man hug. “Thanks for _finally_ getting smart! Sorry I couldn’t be there to un-Dark you myself.”

“Enough of the wishy-washy family reunion!” Palpatine bellowed. “If this keeps up, I’ll re-block him. And speaking of blocking, why can’t I see your children?”

“Once I found out that you’d been blocking Master Skywalker from Ben and me,” Rey said, “I figured out how to shield our little munchkins from you,”

“We couldn’t let you know about them until we knew they’d be okay if you tried to kill us,” Ben continued. “And, sure enough, you did. But now, it’s all good; you can’t hurt us or them.”

At that moment, the air was suddenly filled with _booms_ and _bangs_ and _zaps_ and _kablams_! Everybody looked up to see a bunch of ships and things firing at a bunch of other ships and things.

“The cavalry's here!” Rey shouted gleefully.

“It hardly matters,” Palpatine huffed. “All of my bodacious new ships will crush your friends. The only way to save them is to do as I say. And since I can’t suck the life force out of either of you, we’ll just go back to the original plan.

“Empress Palpatine, it’s time to make your grand-Palpy proud! Strike me down. The throne, the might of the Final Order—the whole _shebang_ will be yours. Then, when you’re older, you’ll pass the throne to your children—the children of a Dyad, such _power_!—and the Palpatines will still be the big cheeses of the galaxy. _Or_ you can watch your precious Resistance bugs get exterminated!”

Rey took a step toward Palpatine, Ben at her side. Power was coursing through the air. Crashes, explosions, and tons of other battle sound effects were making lots of noise overhead. Palpatine’s flashy strobe lights were flashier and strobier than ever. His thousands of hooded uber-fans were chanting “ _Oh, Palpy, you’re so fine. You’re so fine you blow my mind. Hey, Palpy!_ ”

Anakin was getting mega nervous, but he somehow managed to keep his mouth shut. Rey and Ben were smart; surely they wouldn’t do something stupid . . . _right_?

“With your hatred, you will take my life, like a good bad girl,” Palps said triumphantly, signalling another _touchdown_.

Rey stood still and shook her head. “No, not with _hatred_. I hate to break it to you, Grand _fricker_ , but there’s another option.”

He scowled. “Say what?”

“The Jedi and the Sith—two opposing Force fan groups. One pitches for the Light, the other for the Dark. But what is the _one_ thing they have in common?”

 _Where the heck is she going with this?_ Anakin wondered.

“Bite your tongue, young lady!” Palpatine shrieked in offence. “How dare you compare the Sith to the Jedi? They’re nothing alike.”

“They’re pretty opposite, it’s true. The Sith are determined to be emotional wrecks; the Jedi are all ‘emotions are boo-boos’. But the _one_ thing they have in common is that they say _love_ is a big no-no.”

She shared a look with Ben, then kept talking to Palpatine. “Both sides are nuts; I’ve learned that with Ben. The Force isn’t only Light or Dark, and it definitely doesn’t veto love. It joined me and Ben—the Light and the Dark—as a Dyad, and it gave us children of that Dyad. The Force is never more powerful than when _both_ sides join as one. And now, it’s time to knock sense into everybody.”

Then she and Ben turned and _pounced_ on each other, making out like _craaaaazy_! Ben caught and lifted Rey as she jumped and threw her legs around his waist.

“That’s my boy!” Anakin cheered.

Suddenly, a streak of bright, sparkly Force Dyad energy burst from their bodies and shot straight into Palps.

”What the fu—” Palpatine screamed as his body started to melt like a candle on steroids.

As Palpatine went bye-bye, the Dyad energy coming from the love birds ricocheted through the throne room in waves. The Sith throne crumbled like a cookie, big stone statues fell apart, and bits and pieces of stuff flew and splattered all over the place. The chanting Sith gang shouted “WHOA!” as things sailed at them and whacked them from all directions.

Then, finally, everything simmered down.

Anakin stood still and looked around. _Well . . . that was surprisingly easy_ , he thought to himself.

Ben and Rey stopped making out and checked out their new de-Sith-ed surroundings. “We did it,” Ben breathed in awe.

“And you’re still alive!” Rey cheered.

He and Rey smiled and threw their arms around each other.

“I always knew you had it in you, Ben,” Anakin said with pride, walking over to them. “We Skywalker men seem cursed to make some of the dumbest mistakes in the galaxy; but we always come through, in the end.”

“Now that Palpatine’s dead,” said Ben, “the rest of the Order will fall like a house of cards, including Snoke.”

“Speaking of _falling_ ,” Anakin said, “let me go check on things upstairs for a sec.” He popped away from them and hopped onto the _Falcon_ ; Luke was sitting in the pilot’s seat and Chewie was in the co-pilot’s seat. “Hi, boys! How’s everything going over here?”

Chewie gave a warm _roar_ in greeting.

“Hey, Dad!” Luke shouted, pressing lots of buttons. “We’re killing it! Since you had me summon the Resistance’s allies before we and the Resistance got here, everybody is attacking at once. The Resistance don’t have to worry about nearly dying and getting saved by backup at the last second.”

“Way to go, son!” Anakin praised. “I’ll leave you to it, then.”

He returned to Ben and Rey and gave them the good news, feeling _extremely_ proud of himself. The bad guys were losing, everybody was alive and well, his grandson had been redeemed, and he was getting a great-grandson and -granddaughter. All was right with the world.

And whom did the world have to thank for that? Why, Anakin Skywalker, of course! Who knew being the Chosen One would mean stopping Luke from cockblocking Ben and Rey so they could boink, balancing the Dark with the Light and making babies who would help them defeat Palpatine?

And Anakin was also the one who forced Luke to get off his chicken butt and fly away to save the Resistance. So, again, the galaxy owed Anakin one heck of a thanks.

_You’re welcome, galaxy! You’re welcome!_


	4. Epilogue, and Still Anakin’s POV (Because He’s Kriffing Awesome!)

For obvious reasons, Ben and Rey decided it would be fracking stupid of them to go to the Residence. Yes, technically, Ben was a good ol’ boy now, instead of a murderous turd, and had helped to save the galaxy; but he, of all people, understood the true power of holding a grudge. So, uh, _nope_! Instead, they decided it would be much smarter to go somewhere else.

But why that ‘somewhere else’ ended up being _Tatooine_ , Anakin had no idea.

I mean, yes, it was nice to have a megafan grandson who wanted to check out where his idol grandfather had been born and raised . . . but there was seriously _nothing_ to see on Tatooine! Nothing but a couple of twin suns and lots— _and lots_ —of sand, and Anakin hated sand. It was coarse and rough and irritating, and it got everywhere.

Like, _everywhere_!

Luckily, as a Force-ghost, he no longer had to worry about it getting stuck in those certain, er, places; but still, _gag_!

When they got to Tatooine, Ben and Rey buried the Skywalker saber and Leia’s saber in the sand, ready for a fresh start, as some random old lady walked by and said, “There’s been no one for so long. Who are you two?”

“I’m Rey, and this is Ben,” Rey said, taking Ben’s hand.

“Rey and Ben who?”

They looked over at Force-ghost Anakin and grinned. “Rey and Ben Solo,” Ben said with a wink at his grandfather, who would never stop patting himself on the back for his smashing success of bringing them together.

Then they played with their brand-new lightsabers. Rey’s was a sunny golden yellow that perfectly matched her name. Ben’s was a masculine-enough-not-to-be-girly purple; Anakin hadn’t seen that color since Mace Windu’s saber. _See, ladies and gentlemen?!_ Ben’s lightsaber proved he was now majorly balanced in the Force!

But besides playing with their new sabers and having pregnancy sex, they didn’t do much and got bored; so they left Tatooine after a few days ( _hallelujah!_ ) They wanted to rear up their kids in a dope place where they could chill and raise a new generation of Force-users who, hopefully, wouldn’t end up delulu.

So they ended up back on Ahch-To, to look into cooking up a new academy. The planet was really big on Force-balance, with its Jedi ruins and Dark-side mirror funhouse; and it had that cute yin/yang Force circle doodad on the ground, which Rey and Ben found very appropriate. Yessiree, the planet should do nicely!

Upon getting settled on the planet, Ben and Rey quickly broused through the old Jedi tests in the library tree to pick and choose which teachings weren’t dumb. Then they _zapped_ the little mofos with Force-lightning! Oddly enough, Force-ghost Yoda showed up for that event, with a “Page turners, they were not” as he and Anakin fist-bumped and shared a carton of popcorn.

After that, Ben and Rey picked Anakin’s ex-Sith brain to note the Sith teachings that weren’t totally evil. Then they stirred everything together, and added some extra stuff of their own, to create a new _Gray_ Order, blending Light and Dark teachings without the goofy parts.

Thus the _Order Without Idiots Everywhere_ —or OWIE—was officially started.

The first official OWIE Padawans were, naturally, the new Solo twins. They were the most kawaii little sugar plums in the galaxy, as far as Anakin was concerned. Little Annie was her great-grandpa’s precious snugglepuss, with Anakin’s dirty-blond hair and Ben’s dark eyes. And her younger-by-a-minute-and-a-half brother Han was a chip off the old block, with Rey’s hazel eyes and Ben’s black locks and, uh, _unique_ ears.

To nobody’s surprise, the Solo twins weren’t the only young 'uns getting hatched. Pretty much everyone in the galaxy was getting _busy_ in their post-war celebrations, resulting in a baby boom. 

Rey’s friend Finn and his wife Rose had a little bundle of joy they named Paige, after Rose’s late sister. And Poe ended up fathering a couple of trigger-happy boys with his frenemy-with-benefits Amilyn Holdo. How she managed to have those kids at her age Anakin had no idea; but Poe _HotDameron_ , as he called himself, insisted it was because he was “just that good”.

Even _Lando_ was not really but kind of in on the kid action. As it turned out, that stormtrooper Jannah who’d looked familiar to Anakin on Kef Bir was Lando’s long-lost daughter who’d been snatched as a baby by the First Order. They were reunited with lots of hugs and kisses.

Yep, there were babies/kids/descendants all over the place, and Anakin was tickled pink.

Leia and Luke were doing okay, too. It had taken a few months for Leia to stop finding new places to stick her blaster pistol after finding out what Luke did to Ben; but Chewie kept reminding her that Luke, in the end, had pulled himself together and helped K.O. the bad guys. So, after lots and lots and _lots_ of apologies from Luke, the two became siblings again and visited Ben and Rey occasionally to see the twins.

Of course, the _last_ thing Ben wanted was to let Luke visit, but he and Rey compromised. If Luke was allowed to come over from time to time, he would _never_ be left alone with the kids. They’d always be guarded by Ben and his pretty purple lightsaber, which he had full license to use with or _without_ a reason—a fun fact of which he made Luke _abundantly_ aware.

Meanwhile, Ben and Rey kept getting more and more Padawans—including some young Force-sensitive whipper snappers from Canto Bight, of all places. They worked hard to teach the younglings lots of awesome Force stuff. On occasion, they’d even have Force-ghost guest appearances for the children from Anakin, Obi, Yoda, or whichever other master was scheduled at the time to pop in and show them cool tricks.

Yes, things were settling down; the galaxy was finally balanced again. And all because Anakin, the Chosen One, had refused to let Luke cockblock his grandchild, so that _Reylo_ , as his grandson called them, could be canon.

And they all lived happily ever after . . . until some idiot did something stupid a few decades later.

The end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So . . . _that_ happened. Feel free to rip it to shreds; it probably deserves it. 🤣 Thank you so much for reading! Hugs and kisses! 💋


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